Santa Clause, The Human Clause
by wiseelf1
Summary: 10th chapter up. Santa Clause. The elves at the north pole are subject to the Human Clause. A Bernard fic. Bernard's past is revealed in Chapter 9. Chapter 10 concludes the story.
1. Chapter 1

The Santa Clause: Human Clause

This is my explanation about why Bernard was not in the third movie. Its because he has become victim of the Human Clause.

Chapter 1.

Scott Calvin and his new wife Carol were going over their Christmas lists. It wasn't the kind of Christmas list of what to get Uncle Charles and Aunt Margie. It was the Nice and Naughty list of all the boys and girls of the world . You see many years ago, Scott Calvin, became new Santa Claus on 1994 due to the Santa Clause when he accidently caused the old Santa Claus to fall from his roof. Carol became Mrs. Claus just the past year due to the Mrs. Clause rule.

"Carol, I don't know what is wrong with kids these days. The Naughty list has never been this long. Brian Metts used to be one of the best behaved boys on the whole planet. Now he is the absolute worst kid on the planet."

"I have been speaking to Bernard regarding this matter. He told me sometimes when the world is going through troubling times, the kids start act out. Even the good boys and girls. I had him pull up some of the family histories of the kids on the Naughty list and there are some like Brian who has had their whole lifes shattered. Brian's Father died on September 11, 2001 and his Mother is a Air Force Pilot serving in the Persian Gulf. I've even read some of his teacher's evaluations and they state that he has abandonment issues. He isn't the only child who has some of these type of issues. Let me see the sheet again."

Scott handed Carol the list. She marked several of the names and handed it back to him. "I've earmarked those I think are having problems due to today's society. Let's put them on the good list this year and if they haven't improved their attitude by next year they will stay on the Naughty list. "

"I don't know Carol. Would that be fair to the other kids on the Nice list."

"Yes I think it would actually. Most of the kids on the Nice list aren't going through the same problems that many on the Naughty list are going through. It's easy to be on the Nice list if you have a easy life. Even though these kids feel abandoned by the parents and abandoned by the world, they still believe in Santa. It would be a shame if Santa abandons them too."

"I can't argue with you there. Well, I am glad that this year, Charlie is not on the Naughty list."

"When did Charlie ever end up on the Naughty list.?"

"Oh last year. I recall he got in trouble at school. It seems a certain stern principle had it in for him." Joked Scott.

"That's a lie. I didn't have it in for him. But I did have it in for his Father." She laughed back.

Their banter was shattered by an alarmed cry from one of the elves in wrapping. The Clauses left their room and ran down to stairs to find out the problem. They were met by Bernard, the head elf, and Curtis, second to the head elf.

"Hey guys, what seems to be the problem. Here." asked Scott now in his role as Santa.

"Don't worry Santa. Curtis in on the job. I will fix the problem for you." Answered the ever ambitious Curtis.

"I know you will try to fix the problem Curtis." Said Santa

"Actually, I think the problem seems to Mason." Said Bernard as he motioned to and nearly hysterical elf. " He seems very upset about something. I've called the cocoa elves to bring him some of their cocoa and cookies to calm him down." Stated the head elf.

Santa smiled at Bernard. " I knew I could count on you."

After Mason was calmed down slightly, Santa approached him. "Hey Mason. What seems to be the problem my elfin friend."

"Santa, its my ears. My ears have gone round." replied Mason showing off his newly reshaped ears. "They have lost their points. I don't understand it."

"Don't worry about it Mason. We will found out the problem to this mystery. Why don't you go with Judy and take the rest of the day off" Stated Santa as he motion to Bernard and Curtis. Curtis looked stumped while Bernard looked grumpy.

"Guys do you have any idea what happened to Mason. Are we having a reversal of magic where elves are turning into humans." Asked their boss.

"Santa, I've seen it before. It happens every two to three hundred years or so. Its called the Human clause. If we examine Mason's card which shows that he is elf it should now being stating human. Its not permanent like your Santa Clause. Its only temporary. Could be from one to up to ten years. It allows some of us elves go out into the mortal world and live as humans. It gives us a more accurate read on the children of the mortal world. "

"Bernard, are you telling me that all of my elves are going to lose their magic and become human for a period from one to ten years. What should I do cancel Christmas!"

"No Santa. The Human Clause will only affect only a few elves. It never affects more than thirty at a time. We should make an announcement to the elf population so that they don't panic." Replied Bernard.

Scene 2.

Curtis stared at Bernard and asked. "So how does it feel to become human and live in the mortal world, Bernard?"

"I don't know Curtis why don't you find an elf who was been a victim of the Human Clause and ask one of them?" answered the elder elf grumpily.

"What, are you really telling me as old as you are, you have not been under the Human Clause."

"That's is exactly what I am telling you. I think I must be immune to the Human Clause. It has not ever happened."


	2. Chapter 2

Santa Clause, The Human Clause.

Chapter 2: Scene 1: A meeting between Santa and Bernard

It was the talk every where at the North Pole. "Did you hear about Mason. He's looks so Human. He has lost his Sparkle. Its Not only him. Judy and Beth both lost their Sparkles last night." The constant gossiping was getting on the nerves of Santa's Number 1 elf.

"Bernard. They're just worried. Its kind of scary for them to leave the North Pole and all of its magic. Even if the clause is only a temporary one."

"That's no excuse to be gossiping when there is work to be done, Santa. Its nearly December 13. We need to be ready for the Christmas rush." growled Bernard.

"Bernard look at me. They will calm down once the Clause finishes its course. I also know that we are way ahead of schedule. Admit it. You always push the elves to make more toys than is actually needed don't you." asking Santa with a grin.

"Hey Santa, I do not. We need every toy that is being made right at this minute." Argued back Bernard.

"Hey, Bernard. You don't want to end up on the Naughty list for lying to Santa would you." Said Santa while touching his nose.

"HeHe. Okay you got me big guy. Yeah, I always push them to make more. I just don't want any child to be left out on Christmas, Santa. It leads to some embarrassing moments."

"Like how."

"You see Santa, sometimes we mess up and don't get the kid what they really asked for. We have a rule that we try to get every kid for at least one thing on his or her letter. One time we had a letter from a girl who stated a doll like the little girl's best friend had. She also said she wanted a Mystery Date Game. We ran out of game but got her the doll. It seems she really didn't want the doll itself, she was just jealous of her best friend. She stopped believing in Santa because Santa didn't deliver the one present that really mattered to her. I don't want a child to stop believing because they didn't get what they wanted. Do you understand. "

"I understand Bernard. But children still lose their faith in me for other reasons. I know I lost my faith as a child of five when my Father died. I didn't get my faith back until Charlie believed in me and brought me back to the magic of the child in me. Sometimes true faith is not about presents Bernard. Sometimes it's a bit more."

"Not about presents. I just don't understand you humans. I don't think I ever will." Bernard shook his head trying to understand the concept.

"I think I now know why the north pole has a need for some of the elves to live as humans. I talked to Judy. She told me that she isn't scared about living a few years among the humans. Actually she said this would be her fourth time. She is actually looking forward to it."

"Better her than me." Said Bernard with a mock shudder.

Scene 2: An Meeting in the boardroom with the department heads.

"I've called this meeting to assure you that effected elves are alright. They are just going through a stage in their lives where they will go out into the world and learn more about the humankind. When they come back to the pole they will better well rounded elves. I've asked Judy from the Naughty and Nice department to explain her feelings to you so that you can understand." explained Santa.

"Thank you Santa." Judy smiled as she began her talk. "This will be my fourth time as a human data gathering elf among the humans. The first time I went out into the human world was eight hundred years ago. I discovered that not only the children have faith in magic but to some degree so does their parents. A mother and a father do not remember the Santa magic but they will fight tooth and nail for their children's believe in Santa and his magic. They want each children to keep their hopes and dreams for as long as possible. Some of these children have grown up to become authors who maintained some of the magic within them. They have gone on to inspire other children with works that deals with the childhood magic. The Oz series, Alice and Wonderland, and Mary Poppins, are just a few of the many works of adults who still believed in the magic. When I leave to go out in the mortal world for however brief of time, I will learn some of the newer authors that are out there. Tell any of the elves in your department who is facing the change to embrace it. It may have looked like we have lost our magic but actually we are gaining a better look at our magic through they eyes of the children we serve." Judy bowed before she sat down in her chair in the boardroom.

Santa stood back up and motioned for his head elf to stand. "Bernard will also like to make a small announcement as well."

Bernard blew out some air before he began his speech. "Ok guys. I spoke to Santa. We are actually way ahead of schedule for this Christmas. The only items that we need to worry about the last minute gifts that the good little girls and boys decide they suddenly want. As for next years production we will be hiring some new elves to take up any slack. I also want you to assure the elves in your department who are being deployed to the human world that their jobs here at the north pole are secure. The elves who will be out in the mortal world will come back as an asset to our work force. Is there any questions."

Curtis held up his hand. "What is it Curtis?" growled Bernard.

"Sir, do you feel alright? You are looking kind of pale. There is less sparkle in your cheek" asked the number two elf.

"I'm fine Curtis. I guess I always get kind of cranky this close to Christmas. You know that." Replied the elder elf who sat down at his seat at the table.

Santa cleared his throat. "I'm glad to hear it just your normally grumpy self, Bernard. ". Santa turned his attention once again to his department leaders. "Ok guys. That concludes the meeting. I want everyone of you to go back to your posts and reassure the others that being human isn't really all that bad. Hey look at me. I used to live as a human for nearly thirty-five years. Look at me now. I am a what the kids call a jolly old elf. Although I'm not really that old. Not when it comes to elves like Bernard here."

Shortly after the department heads had left, Santa studied his right hand elf more closely. Curtis also began to look more closely at his superior. "You know Bernard. I think Curtis may be right. Maybe you need a vacation from all this stress." Curtis nodded his head in approval. "Yes Santa. He definitely needs a vacation. I can fill in for him for him while he is away."

Bernard glared at the younger elf. "I'm fine Santa." He began to run his fingers in his thick curly hair and began to rub his ears. "I'm just a little tired is all. Read my lips I am fi..." He stumbled over the words as he looked up in shock at his boss.

"Bernard. What's wrong." Asked Santa frowning with concern.

A meek voice answered his question. "Its nothing. Its just my ears have lost their points. Santa. What am I going to do? I don't want to leave the North Pole." exclaimed the elf.


	3. Chapter 3

Santa Clause, the Human Clause.

Chapter 3.

"Bernard. What's wrong." Asked Santa frowning with concern.

A meek voice answered his question. "Its nothing. Its just my ears have lost their points. Santa. What am I going to do? I don't want to leave the North Pole."

Scene 1: Bernard's workshop

Later that day Santa watched his friend as he continued to pace back and forth in his workshop. "I can't leave you Santa. You're counting on me. If I'm gone for ten years, there is no telling what kind of damage Curtis will come up with."

"Bernard. You told me that the Human Clause effects the elves for one to ten years. All of the elves will watch out for Curtis. Curtis will have to have my permission before he makes any major changes to the north pole. That way we will not have a repeat of last year's Toy Santa on a rampage. I can't believe you let that thing take over my workshop. You're my head elf after all."

"Let it take over. I didn't let it take over. I tried to warn you that Toy Santa business was a bad idea" exclaimed the elf indignantly his feelings obviously hurt.

"Yes you did. I'm sorry Bernard. I know that you did your best in that trying time. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings in the matter."

"Oh that's alright Santa. I know its not really your fault either. I am just so wound up about having to leave the north pole. I been thinking there must be a loophole to the rule that says that all elves under the clause must leave the pole. I just have to find it. I am the arch elf after all. I need to be here not out there."

"Bernard. I've looked at the clause throughly. All the elves under the clause must leave the pole. I am sorry but you are no exception. This may be hard for you to hear this but right now you are not the arch elf. Have you looked at your business card."

Bernard sank down upon the sofa in his workshop with his head with his head in his hands. "Yes Santa I looked. It confirms what you said. It no longer says that I am Bernard, the arch elf. It says I am Bernard, a sixteen year old human. There's something I don't understand. I am the oldest elf here. I would think it would put me as older."

"I talked to Father Time. He told me that Elves and Humans age differently. As an elf you are always going to look like a 16 year old to us human. He also said that the human clause will also give you the illusion that you are aging like a normal human would but once you come back to the pole you will again look as you do now."

"Well that's a relief. We wouldn't want me to look like I was over the hill when I come back." Bernard said trying to joke about the situation.

"Bernard. You are going to be going through some readjustments to this new body of yours." Santa paused and said as gently as he could. "I hate to say this but as your supervisor its my painful duty to tell you that your services are no longer required at this time."

Bernard gasped. "But Santa. Christmas is just days away. I can't quit now. I have to help you get ready for Christmas Eve Push. Then I can quit."

"No Bernard. Judy has asked me if she could hold classes for the effected elves to help them with their readjustments. I agreed and ordered all the effected elves to meet with Judy everyday so that she can help prepare them for what lies ahead. Actually you don't have as much time as the others to readjust to the situation. You see two weeks after New Years, It will be my duty to drive all of the effected elves to their new destinations. Bernard, I am sorry. You need to start the classes too."

The elf sighed. "Yes Santa. I'm sorry if I am being such a pain."

"Its alright Bernard. Now go on to Judy's classroom. She has converted the old tea lobby into her classroom."

Scene 2: The classroom

Bernard approached the old tea lobby's door with trepidation. I really don't want to go in there. I certainly don't want to talk about my readjustments with anybody else. Not even Judy and she is one of my oldest friends here.

Opening the door Bernard decided to sneak into one of the back seats before anybody could see him. No such luck. Eagle eyed Judy spotted him before he could take two steps. She wasn't the nice and naughty list elf for nothing.

"Bernard come here please." Judy called out from the front desk.

Going to the desk he stammered. "Yes Judy. You wanted something."

Judy whispered. "Bernard. Why are you here? Santa did not send you done to spy on me did he. I thought he had more faith in me than that."

"No Judy. Santa has great faith in you." Bernard whispered back.

"Then why are you here." she asked.

Bernard began to stammer again. "I am here because. Well you see the problem is. I am well. Is it hot in here." replied the former head elf hesitantly.

"Are you trying to tell me that you've lost your sparkle?" she gasped.

Hanging his head he said. "Yeah. Um. That would definitely be the problem here."

"Oh I see. First rule in this class. We don't hang our heads just because we look like humans. Its nothing to be ashamed about. Here is a small book of do's and don'ts that you will need to read about the outside world. Why don't you take your seat."

"I can't believe I'm back in class. The last time I was in a classroom was over 1500 years ago." he grumbled under his breath.

"Bernard. Due to our youthful appearances, it is a sure bet that we will be in classes in the outside world." Judy replied with a smile.

Bernard took a seat in the back and began reading the handbook that Judy gave him. '_Rule 1. Human adults are people too. Do not take them lightly. Treat them with the same respect that you would treat their children. If you respect them, they will respect you. _Bernard shook his head at that one. _'I've never respected any adult who didn't believe in the magic. Well strike that. I respect Santa. But then again I didn't respect him when he didn't believe. This is going to be harder than I thought it would be.' _

Bernard looked up and saw Judy going from desk to desk asking if she could help them with any of their problems. One of the elves, Beth, from the bakery department began to cry. Judy rushed over to her. "Beth what's the matter."

"I was reading rule 15. It says too much cookies and cocoa are bad for us. How could this be."

"Beth cookies aren't bad for us in our elfin form but it can be very bad for us in our human forms. There are some children out in the world that have serious weight problems due to too many sweets. We are going to have to monitor how much sweets that we eat also. We could even get sick."

"I'm sorry that I began crying. It just upset me. I don't feel like my old self. Whoever heard of an elf who cried." said Beth who had an appearance of a eight year old girl.

"Don't worry. That's another thing about being under the clause. We have the same emotions as that of the humans. Little eight year old human girls will sometimes cry if they don't get what they want. In this case the sweets that they are accustomed to. Your emotions are really quite natural. Actually I want the whole class to remember that you too will start start experiencing the same types of emotions. Please don't let them overwhelm you."

She left the bakery elf and looked around the room. She noticed that Bernard had a rather pale face and seemed to be having problems breathing.

"Bernard. You hanging in there." She asked whispering so not to embarrass the elf. His brown eyes met hers and she could see the tears that threatened to fall. "I should be at my workshop. I feel so helpless. This is the same way I felt when those that Toy Santa put me under house arrest last year. Judy. Listen to me. You can talk to Santa. Tell him I don't belong in here. He would listen to you."

"I am sorry Bernard but we've go to face facts. You are human now and therefore You do belong in here." His black curls fell into his face as he hung his head into his hands.

Scene 3: The Elfin Café.

Santa was taking Mrs. Claus out to the Elfin Café for some cocoa after her short visit home to her parents. Spotting Judy at the cocoa, Mrs. Claus, waved her over.

"So how was class today." Asked Santa with his normal Christmas Cheer. Judy tried to give her boss her normal cheerful smile but it came out as sour as she felt.

Santa seeing it said with a grimace. "Let me guess. You had a problem student today. I really should have warned you he was coming. Let me guess, He spent most of the time trying to convince you that he should still be at work."

Carol caught the worried exchange among her husband and Judy. "I take it another elf has begun the transformation and is not happy about it. That brings it up the total up to 13 now, right."

"Actually, it brings it to 15. Little Beth in the bakery was hit with it just after you left on your visit to your parents. The other elf was hit just this morning at the staff meeting."

"Well then the elf must be one of the head of the departments. All Judy has to do is have Bernard to have a nice talk with guy. He can reassure the elf that everything is running smoothly and there is nothing to worry about. What's the name of the new clause victim." asked Carol.

Judy rolled her eyes and sighed and looked over to Santa with a look on her face that said. _'She's your wife. You tell her.' _

"Carol. That's the problem. Our newly transformed elf is none other than our dear sweet workaholic Elf, Bernard."

"Oh dear. Poor Bernard." Carol replied stunned then glanced back to Judy. "Oh Poor Judy. If Bernard gives you anymore trouble feel free to ask for my help in the matter. I can talk to him if you want. I was once a principle at a high school. I know how to handle myself around emotional teenagers."

"Thanks, Mrs. C. I may just have to resort to that. Bernard can be so stubborn about things if they don't go his way."

"Teenager boys can be difficult at times." agreed Carol.

The three of them just began to drink their cocoa when they heard shouting coming from the hall outside.

"I want you to remove those monstrosities out of my bedroom now." Santa recognized the voice. _'Oh no its Bernard.'_

"But sir. I don't understand the problem sir. I have the order form right here from the arch elf that a giant stuffed polar bear and ballerina was to be delivered to your bedroom. I was only follow your orders." Said the man handing over his order form.

Bernard paled as he took a look at the order form in his hands. _'Curtis, that little weasel. He can even wait until I have moved out to the mortal world before taking over my bedroom. Not only that but he promoted himself to head elf.' _A sudden rage engulfed his body until it was shaking under its on accord. He threw down the order form onto the floor. Just then the rage left his body just as quickly as it had come. Being unaccustomed to such deep range of emotions caused his body to shut down. His legs became like jelly and he found himself falling to the floor and a blackness overwhelmed him.

He didn't even feel it when his body was moved to a stretcher. He faintly heard the gentle voice of Santa' telling the paramedic elves to take him to the elf infirmary.


	4. Chapter 4

The Santa Clause, Human Clause

Chapter 4.

Scene 1: The infirmary

Santa, Mrs. Clause, and Judy all stared with concern at the door to the infirmary. Santa whispered to Judy. "Do you have any idea why he fainted like that?"

"Yes. I think that his body is not used to all of the new human emotional signals that he is receiving. It still needs time to adjust to his new emotions. The doctor should have more information. I'm sorry Santa." whispered back Judy.

Santa groaned. "Oh great. I just wish we knew more details on this human clause and all of its effects. That we could have warned the elves in advance what would be happening."

"Santa. Its not your fault. The Human Clause effects each elf in a different way. For Bernard, it has effected his emotional control."

Soon the doors to the infirmary opened and Doctor Edward walked out to the group. "Santa, I checked all of Bernard's vital signs and they are now stable. Do any of you know what caused the blackout."

Santa shook his head. "All I know was that Bernard was yelling at the housing foreman about his bedroom. His body began to shake then he suddenly collapsed like a puppet with its strings cut. Then we got him up here. "

"I see. I also understand he is also under the Human Clause. My opinion is that he had a panic attack brought on by too much stress on his body. When Bernard wakes up I am ordering him on full bed rest for the next three days. I don't want him to be under any stress. His body can not handle it right now. "

"We understand Doctor. Can we see him now?" asked Mrs. Claus.

"Sure thing Ma'am. He should be waking up anytime now."

The trio followed the doctor into the private room where the body of the pale elf was laid.

Scene 2: Waking up

'_I am all tied up. Why am I tied up. Who tied me up. I feel just like a Christmas present. Christmas. I must get loose so that I can help Santa get ready for Christmas.' _

Bernard began to struggle in his nightmarish dream that he now found himself. Suddenly he felt a strong hand grip his shoulder and give it a small shake.

"Let me go. I have to get untied. I must help Santa." He yelled out.

"BERNARD!" A voice whispered into his ear. _'I know that voice. '_ He opened his eyes. "Mrs. C. Is that you. Your back from your little trip. I'm sorry I must have dozed off there. Wait a minute this is not my workshop."

He struggled to sit up in the hospital bed and then remembered everything that had happened to him that day.

"Where am I. This is not my bed." his voice croaked.

"Bernard, you are in the infirmary. You had what looks like panic attack. Doctor Edward has placed you under immediate bed rest to give your body the time it needs to adjust to your new emotions." Santa explained. "Now can you explain as calmly as you can what led up to the incident."

"Well Santa. I was feeling tired so I went up to my bedroom to take a short nap." He paused and began to breath heavily as he remembered the incident.

"Woah now Bernard. Take it easy. Breathe nice long breaths. We don't want you to a repeat performance."

Bernard readjusted his breathing pattern and soon began to calm down just as Santa had hoped.

"I got to my bedroom and found its not my bedroom anymore. A certain little weasel has decided to move his stuff in."

Santa shook his head wearily. "I am going to take a wild guess that the weasel is named Curtis."

"Yep. Your number one weasel." Quipped back his elf.

"Bernard. I know that your upset about this but don't worry. I'll straighten Curtis out. He will have all of things moved back to his room by tonight." Santa paused in his talk and took a deep breath himself. "I just have just one favor to ask of you."

"Yes Santa. I'll do anything for you."

Santa looked deeply into his chief elf's eyes. "I really don't like it when my elves start referring to each other by names of animal. So drop the weasel from your vocabulary. Ok Bernard."

Bernard blinked his eyes several times before he dropped his head in shame. "Yes Santa. I promise. No more weasel."

Santa relented after he saw Bernard's woeful expression. He grabbed the elf in a hug. "You're a good elf Bernard and I know you will keep your promise."

Soon the Head Nurse of the infirmary, Elf Olga, entered the room. "I am sorry. Doctors orders. This patient needs his rest. Everybody out. You can all come back tomorrow morning."

As they left the trio could all hear Bernard's very loud voice complaining about the poor treatment that he received at the hands of the medical staff.

"Poor Olga. I wouldn't wish Bernard as a patient on anybody." Said Carol.

Her husband nodded in return. "Yeah, she is definitely going to get her hazard pay bonus this year." Scott joked back.

Judy just laughed. "Don't worry about Olga. Worry about Bernard. Olga is one of the only elves that can scare Bernard. I have heard him call her the Atilla the Hun of the elf world."


	5. Chapter 5

The Santa Clause, Human Clause

Author's notes. I just realized that I forgot the disclaimer. I don't own the Santa Clause. Disney does. I am just borrowing the characters.

I also want to thank all of you who have reviewed and added me to your story alerts. I am glad that you are enjoying it.

Scene 1: Home of Neil And Laura Miller, December 14, 2003.

The door to the Miller residence opened and 17 year old Charlie Calvin came bounding in with his report card shouting with joy.

"Mom, I just got my report card. I've exempted all of my finals and therefore I am getting off 4 days early for Christmas Vacation. I know that we are leaving in 5 days to visit Neil's Sister, Pat, out in Nevada. Well I was wondering if I can go to visit with Dad and Carol before we leave on the trip. Please Mom, I would be back on December, 17th. I will have plenty of time to pack for the trip to Aunt Pat's."

"Ok. It's a deal. You've been a good sport in agreeing to go on the trip to Pat's. I know that a desert location is not your ideal Christmas Vacation Locale. "

"Yeah. I go get my snow globe right now. Thanks Mom."

Charlie ran into his room to retrieve the snow globe. He spied his little Sister, Lucy, staring at the item on the shelf.

"Charlie. Can I please hold your snow globe? I want to see its Christmas magic again." She pleaded. Charlie consented. The little girl shook the globe up and gazed upon the ball trying to see her heart's desire.

The snow swirled and flashed and showed her the moving picture of Santa Claus flying on top of Comet, his favorite Reindeer." Lucy laughed and clapped her hands. "Look Charlie. Its Uncle Scott and Comet. You're so lucky, Charlie. You get to help Santa out every year. Mom and Dad wont let me go. They think I'm still too young."

Lucy turned over the snow globe and saw an inscription engraved on the bottom that read. _Globe by Bernard. On the 6__th__ day of Month of December, in the year 500 A._D.

"Who's Bernard, Charlie." The little girl asked.

"Bernard is Dad's head elf. He helps make sure the toy factory runs smoothly. If you're lucky one day you may get to meet him." answered Charlie.

Lucy handed the globe back to Charlie and ran out of his bedroom. Pausing at the door she turned back to her older brother. "Thanks Charlie for showing me your snow globe."

"Sure thing Lucy. I am going on a trip for a couple of days but I will see you later in the week."

"You're going to see Uncle Scott aren't you?"

"Yeah. I really miss my Dad. I know that you want to spend time with Santa but I want to spend time with my Dad."

"I understand Charlie."

Charlie packed his things in his backpack. He took the Snow Globe and headed out in his backyard. He shook the globe with all of his heart. "I want to be with my Dad." He looked into the globe and saw a moving picture of Comet flying over the Chicago skyline.

"Romph. Ruter." Called out the reindeer before landing at his feet.

"Hey Comet. Merry Christmas to you too. I am going to the North Pole to see Dad. You want to fly me." Comet gurgled with joy. Charlie gave Comet the carrot that he had snagged from the kitchen. Soon both were flying over the icecap.

Scene 2: Charlie's here.

"Dad. Dad. I have a surprise for you." Charlie ran toward his Father's office brandishing his straight A report card.

Carol watched as her husband opened the door and took his son in his arms shouting with joy. "Carol, I have a straight A's scholar on my hands." The elves looked up as their jolly boss began to dance around the room.

Charlie looked at his report card and started laughing . "Dad, I haven't even shown you the card yet. I keep forgetting that I can't surprise Santa Claus."

Scott stopped and pondered Charlie's words. "Oh yeah. I'm sorry Sport. I am just not the kind of dad that can be surprised."

"Its Ok, Dad."

Charlie turned to Carol. "Most of this report card was due to your tutoring that you gave me this summer, Carol. I really appreciate it."

"My pleasure Charlie. I know that you are a hard worker. You would be able to apply to any college that you choose."

Charlie blushed as he looked down at his watch. "Dad. Shouldn't you be on your Santa toy inspection rounds with Bernard by now. We don't want any flawed toys to go out."

"Bernard is in the infirmary." Scott filled his son on all of the events that had transpired due the last few days.

"You know Charlie, I think you right. I should have begun the inspections by now. I wonder why Curtis hadn't reminded me."

Scene 3: The infirmary.

Bernard woke up and looked down at the watch on his left arm. My arch elf watch. He smiled and read the time. _'12:00 P.M. reminder notice. Santa needs to began his daily toy inspection. The Research department needs to begin its final safety checks on the sleighs. Wrapping needs to make more of the little teddy bear drummer print.' _

He remembered fondly the first time he received the watch from the retiring Arch Elf, Linus. "Bernard. This watch will help you guide Santa and all of the elves in their assigned tasks. Failure to head this watch can have dire consequences. Be ever vigilant, Bernard.'

A thought suddenly occurred to him. _'Wait a minute. I am no longer the arch elf. This watch by rights no longer belongs to me. It belongs to Curtis. My keeping the watch can be causing untold delays at the plant at this very moment.' _

Bernard pushed his call button to the nurses station and hoped it would not be Olga who answered the call.

Bernard frowned when he heard the voice on the other end of the intercom. _'No such luck Bernard. Its Atilla out there.'_

"I hear you. I will be there as soon as a finish typing up my report."

"NO WAY WILL I WAIT THAT LONG. I HAVE AN EMERGENCY SITUATION HERE." He screamed into the intercom.

Soon Olga appeared in the doorway. "OK. What's the big emergency."

"You must let me out of here so that I can see Curtis on a very important matter." Bernard gulped.

"NINE" Olga yelled at him reverting to her native German. "The Doctor was quite clear. You are not to even think about work for the next three days. You can read a book. Listen to music. Watch a movie. BUT YOU CAN NOT TO DO ANYTHING WORK RELATED."

"Olga please. I must get the arch elf watch over to Curtis. He wont be able to help Santa without it."

Olga's face softened. "I remember that watch. It used to be my Papa's watch."

Bernard looked up at her in surprise. "I should have remembered. You're Linus's little girl."

He mused about the situation. He found himself removing the watch and handing over to the nurse.

"Olga. I know that I can't leave the infirmary for three days. Would you please take the arch elf watch up to Santa so that he can give it to Curtis."

"Ya. That I can do. I used to think you were a pain in the neck. But I think I was a little harsh in my judgement. You can be nice when you want to be."


	6. Chapter 6

The Santa Clause, Human Clause Chapter 6:

Just a quick scene.

Bernard groaned as he walked into the infirmary's physical therapy wing. Olga and a younger elf stood by one of the massage tables. Olga motioned Bernard over to one of the changing rooms.

"Oh come on Olga. You know I don't go in for massages."

"Ya I know you don't like them but it is the doctor's orders. You have no choice in this matter."

He entered the changing room and found a pair of holly green swimming trunks. Sighing he removed his elfin brown shirt and leggings . He paused to study his reflection in the mirror. He noticed his long black curls that always threatened to fall into his face. Shaking his head he watched at they spun around his face. _'You've no problems there Bernard.' _

He continued on down to his torso and legs and frowned. The dreaded braces he wore on his back and left leg glared back at him.

'Oh. How _I hate wearing the things. But I hate it even more not wearing them when I go out in public.'_

"Hurry up in there and get changed." said Olga's voice through the closed door. '_Just great. I better change quickly. Knowing Olga if I don't. She come in after me.'_

Soon the door opened and the elf hobbled his way over to the massuese table. The once proud elf struggled to keep from falling as he hoisted himself up on the table.

"Good now turn and lie on your stomach." Olga commanded while turning to her assistant. "Linda this will be a full workout. I don't care what he says or how loud he says it. He is getting a full workout."


	7. Chapter 7

Santa Clause, Human Clause Chapter 7

I don't own the Santa Clause. Disney does. I am only borrowing the characters.

Scene 1: A visit with Charlie

December 17, 2003 dawned at the North Pole. A certain elf breathed a sigh of relief as he wrote in his private journal. _'_Entry. December 17, 2003. Its been three days since I found myself in this torture chamber. The Doctor is due to give me my release papers any minute now.'

The door to his room opened and he gazed at the figure standing in the doorway. _'Its. Charlie. He's gotten so tall. Duh you goof. Charlie is now 17.'_

"Hey Bernard. I am sorry that I haven't been here to see you before now. I've been helping Dad and Carol with the big Christmas Rush. Oh. Dad also told me to tell you He's sorry that he & Carol haven't been able to visit the last few days. You know how busy he gets with all those last minute emergencies that always pop up."

Bernard tried to put on a smile for the other boy but it never reached his face. "Can you tell them I understand. I remember those emergencies. I loved those emergencies. I lived for those emergencies."

Charlie laughed at the Bernard's sour mood. "Stop being so negative, Bernard. You've had a nice vacation with elf girls at you beck and call. I even understand that they threw in some nice massages."

This statement earned Charlie a dark look from the elf. "Charlie just forgot those sick fantasies that just popped into your head. It was not anything like that. It was more like. _'Hello welcome to torture an Elf. Your victim today will be Bernard. Have a great day.' _Contrary to what you may have heard, Charlie I was not having FUN."

Charlie continued to laugh at the elf's antics. His laughter was so infectious that the elf could not keep a smile off his face. But the revelry didn't last when Charlie turned to other matters.

"Well anyway I have a few hours left before Dad has to take me back home. This may be the last time I get to see you this year. You see I can't go with Dad this year on the trip. The whole family is visiting with Neil's sister."

Bernard frowned. "Charlie, your Dad lives for those trips together."

"I know he does but what can I do. This is first time Neil has been able to visit his sister. Mom is insistent that the family stay together on Christmas. It will be kind of hard to sneak off this year. I will be rooming with Cousin Jack."

"Oh you have my sympathies there Charlie. Jack is bad boy. I mean really bad. You may want to help Lucy bake her cookies this year. Jack put laxatives in the cookies his little sister baked for Santa. Of course your Dad already knew this and only pretended to eat them. Watch yourself."

"Don't worry I'll watch myself." He paused. "I've got to get back. I promised Curtis that I would help him on a new invention of his. Hey, when you get sprung from here meet me at the workshop and will get some cocoa."

Bernard smiled. "Thanks. I'd really like that idea. "

Scene 2: Freedom at last.

Bernard had finally completed a battle of physical and physcological tests and was resting. Doctor Edward bent over the readout before him. He glanced back at his eager patient then shook his head.

"Bernard, I have some good news and some bad news. Which news to you want first."

"Hey Doc. Could we skip the bad news altogether."

"I am afraid that is not how it works." said the doctor.

"Ok. Give me the bad news first. That way I will still have the good news to look forward to."

"The physical tests show that you have accepted your new body. The physcological tests are not as good as I hoped. I have come to the conclusion that the panic attacks are not going to be a one time thing. You will have to monitor your stress levels when you leave the pole."

"I see. So in other words. I going to be a basket case out there. Thanks a lot Doc." he snapped angrily

"Bernard, calm down. I am going advise Santa to find a place for you that will have a good counseling service. These counselors will be there to help you with any physcological problems that may arise. " the doctor said gently. He saw Bernard breathing was becoming erratic.

"Remember your breathing exercises that we taught you."

Bernard nodded and started the exercises. "Okay Doc. You said that you had some good news."

"Good news is that I am going to release you. I see no reason to keep you confined any longer. You are free man."

"Hey Doc. The good news is kind of a let down."

"Oh I'm so sorry Bernard. I didn't know that you enjoyed your stay here so much. I can let you stay for a couple of days longer if you like. " The doctor joked.

"Did I say let down. I meant to say that was the greatest news I could possible receive. Believe me. I have seen all of this place as I can possible stand." He snorted back to the doctor.


	8. Chapter 8

Santa Clause, Human Clause Chapter 8

"You all have been making great progress. I've decided that you deserve a little treat." Said Judy as she beamed at the students in her human transformation classes. "Santa has invited us down to the workshop for a party for Charlie before he goes back he goes back home to the Millers."

Scene 1:

Meanwhile in Santa's office, Scott and Charlie Calvin were looking over Charlie's party plans.

"I asked Bernard if he wanted to stop by for some hot cocoa after he left the infirmary. I didn't breathe a word about the surprise party we are throwing for Him, Judy and the rest. Don't worry Dad. It will be fine." said the younger Calvin.

"I don't know Charlie. I think you should have told him about the party so that he could prepare himself. I don't think he really enjoys parties. Why's that?" replied Scott.

"He doesn't like to dance."

"Why, I thought all elves love to dance?"

"Bernard was involved in a serious accident when he was a member of the E.L.F.S. squad about 900 years ago. The elf doctors at the time could not completely heal him. It left him with a limp." Scott frowned. " I've thought a lot about this. I think becoming human may be a good thing for Bernard. I've talked it over with Carol's cousin who is a orthopedic specialist. He's agreed to examine him to see if he can do anything to help correct the injuries. I just hope Bernard is willing to accept the help."

Charlie shook his head remembering the past. "I don't think he is going to like any help from an adult. I remember the first two years after you became Santa. He would accept any help that I gave him but would fight any changes that you had proposed to the factory."

Scott nodded. "I remember. I was almost tempted to fire him. Later I found out that the last few Santas before me had instituted changes that was disastrous to the pole. Bernard finally came around to the fact I was not going to do anything to jeopardize the plant. He even became happier."

The party was in full swing when Bernard arrived walking down the main staircase. He saw the party banner and just shook his head. _'You tricked me Charlie._'

He was in the process of reversing his direction when he saw Judy coming toward him. '_Oh no. I told Judy I would study that stupid book she gave me on the elfin/human transformation rules while I was in the hospital.'_ He tried to put enough speed to outdistance the girl.

"Bernard. Wait up. I want to talk to you." said Judy who was concerned about the other elf's progress.

He stopped short at the top step and shouted. "You can save your breath. I didn't read that blasted book. Stop bugging me about it."

Bernard heard gasps of shock from the assembled party goers. He knew that he had overstepped the bounds of elfin decency. He turned back around to apologize to her and stopped short at the sight of tears running down his friend's cheeks.

"Judy, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

"Save your breath. I don't know why I've tried to help you." She ran past him and into Mrs. Claus's room.

He was about to follow after her when he felt a hand grab his shoulder. He turned and found himself staring into the angry eyes of his boss. "Bernard. My office now."

Bernard followed the angry man into his office. He looked his boss in the eyes and attempted to speak.

"I don't want to hear you say one word right now. Not one word." Santa turned away from his elf. " Bernard, Right now I am livid. I can't believe you. Judy has shown you nothing but her kindness and compassion throughout this whole affair. This is how you repay that kindness. I don't think I know you anymore."

The elf saw that his boss was struggling to keep his emotions under control. Bernard bowed his head in shame and thought

'_Great Bernard. Just great. You are really being a jerk lately. Lets see you've made one of best friend cry. You've caused Santa to lose his jolly disposition. What a great Christmas this is turning out to be."_

Santa began to speak after what seemed like an eternity to the elf.

"I've made a decision. I need an expert in teenage physcology. Unfortunately, there is only one person I know out there who believes both in physcology and elves. Pack your bags, Bernard. Neil and Laura don't know it yet but they are about to get an unexpected houseguest."

Shock showed on Bernard's face and he went down on knees before the man. "No. Please sir. Don't send me away. I'm not ready. I don't know a thing about living in the mortal world."

"You would if you had been studying that book. I'm sorry Bernard. My decision is final. I am taking you to Neil and Laura's when I take Charlie home tonight."

Scene 2:

Bernard had just finished packing when his door bell chimed. _'That must be Charlie coming to get me for the ride home.'_ He opened the door astounded to find Judy on the other side.

"I told Santa that I would escort you to the sleigh." she said. Behind her was one of the large sleds that they used to haul packages around.

He placed his bags on the sled and began to pull it toward the sleigh room. After walking a few feet down the hallway together, he paused. "Look Judy. You don't have to have to walk with me. Its not like I don't know the way there."

"I promised Santa." She said without meeting his eyes.

He bowed his head. "Look Judy. Please believe me. I am sorry about the way that I've been acting. You're one of my close friends. I don't want to lose our friendship. Please forgive me."

She looked at him and tried to smile.

"I've forgiven you. It just hurt that you kept pushing me away. I forgot to read my own book. You see right now I have the emotions of a 12 year old human girl." said the elf girl.

'_Yeah a 12 year old girl with a crush on a guy who will only sees you as his little sister.' _She thought to herself.

"Um. So we're good then?" Bernard asked hopefully.

"Yeah. We're good." She replied.

Soon they found themselves at the sleigh. Santa loaded Bernard's bags upon the sleigh before he hitched up Chet and Vixen. Bernard crawled up into his place in the back of the sleigh alongside Charlie. Scott and Carol took their seats in the front. The sleigh took off and was soon flying over the Chicago skyline.

Scene 3:

Neil, Laura, and Lucy Miller were settled down to watch the classic Christmas cartoons on tv.

"I can't believe how much I am enjoying these. I used to think they were all corny. I used to hate all this mush and sentiment" said Laura.

"I know what you mean. I used to hate them too. Until Scott reacquainted me to the joys of Christmas." Mused Neil.

Just then a doorbell chimed and Lucy jumped quickly up.

"I'll get it Mom and Dad. Its probably Charlie. He always forgets his keys when he visits with Uncle Scott."

She opened the door and shouted with joy when she saw them. "Uncle Scott." She flung her arms and hugged him. "Did you bring me anything. Did you bring me anything."

Scott shook his head and laughed his Santa laugh. "Lucy, this is not Christmas day yet. I am just bringing Charlie back home. I also have something to discuss with your Mom and Dad."

Lucy let go of Scott and looked over at Bernard. She pointed at him. "Who's that Uncle Scott?"

"That's Bernard, Lucy and its not polite to point at people."

She pouted. "Uncle Scott. He's not a person he's an large elf. You can't fool me with the round ears bit. I know an elf when I see one."

"Yes, your right. He is an elf. Its not polite to point at an elf either."

"Oh Okay. I'll get Mom and Dad."

"Bernard move all the bags up to Charlie's room."

Later Neil, Laura, Scott and Carol met in the kitchen. Scott explained the problem that he was having to the

Psychiatrist.

"Wait a minute Scott. You can't unload your elf on us. We have to go to Neil's sister tomorrow. No out of the question." Ranted Laura.

"Consider it an early Christmas gift to Neil. As Santa , I know that Neil loves his sister. He does not however like that son of hers. He is only going on the trip because he thinks that you wanted to go."

"Neil, is this true. Why didn't you tell me. I don't want to go to the desert for Christmas. Why don't we stay home."

"Yes its true. I want to stay home also. The last time Pat and the kids were down to see me. The brat let all of air out of my tires on the truck. But how am I going to explain to Pat that we can't make it."

Laura looked over at Scott. "Simple. I will just tell Pat that my no good ex husband showed up and asked us to babysit a 16 year old elf. I mean boy. No problems, there. My only question to him is how long will Bernard be staying in my guest room."

Scott shrugged his shoulders. "The minimum would be 1 year."

"Okay. What's the maximum." asked Neil.

"Give or take lets say 10 years." said Scott trying to joke.

"Ten years." screamed the Miller couple.


	9. Chapter 9

Santa Clause, Human Clause Chapter 9

Scene 1:

Charlie sat as his desk and listened to music on his Ipod.

Bernard sat in a beanbag chair and gazed out of the bedroom window toward the North Star. A knock was heard on the bedroom door.

Lucy entered.

"Charlie. Mom, Dad, Uncle Scott, and Aunt Carol are having a family meeting in the kitchen. They told me that you and Bernard need to be there too. I can't go to the family meeting. I have to go to bed._" _said Lucy pouting. She pointed at Bernard. "Its not fair Charlie. He gets to go to the family meeting but I don't."

Charlie sighed. "You wouldn't want to be in Bernard's shoe's right now. He's the reason that they are having this meeting in the first place. Also didn't my Dad tell you its not polite to point at people. "

"Yes he did. I'm sorry I was pointing at you. Bernard."

"Its okay Lucy. You better get onto bed before your Mom and Dad find out that you're still awake. Or better yet my Boss." Bernard said knowing that the threat of getting on the naughty list would soon have the kid scurrying to bed.

Lucy let out a little eek and rushed toward her own bedroom.

Bernard sighed. "Well Charlie, I guess its time to face the music."

"Its going to be fine. You'll see." He said as he slapped the elf on the shoulder as they made their way to the kitchen.

Scene 2:

As the two boys entered they noticed that it was only Neil and Scott sitting at the table. Charlie noticed his mom and Carol were standing by the coffeepot with cups in their hands. The two boys went over to them.

Carol put down her cup of coffee with a grimace. "I sorry Laura. Coffee used to be my favorite beverage. Now that I'm Mrs. Clause its either milk or hot cocoa."

Laura nodded. "Carol, It must be tough for you to give all the things you like to move to completely different environment."

"Yes it has been hard. But its worth it."

Bernard sighed. _'I never realized that it would be hard for her to go to the north pole. Santa at least got 11 months to adjust. I just wished I had more time to adjust to going out in the mortal world.'_

Laura turned to the boys. "Bernard, Neil and Scott want to talk to you at the table." She pointed towards the table.

Neil studied the elf/boy as he sat down at the table. '_There's something he's clearly trying to repress.'_

"Hello Bernard. My wife and I have agreed to take you in for a couple of weeks. Scott will then pick you back up on Jan. 12th of next year."

"I thought that I would be staying here for the time I'm under the human clause." Inquired the elf.

Scott frowned. "I've been reading the 18th chapter of the book Judy gave me. The elves go out in pairs or threes into the world. Your time with Neil will have to be limited."

The elf absorbed the news and smiled with relief. "I thought I would out here all alone. I really wished I had read that book now." He noticed Neil studying him with an intense expression on his face.

"I've decided that it would be beneficial that my first session with you would be as a group. I am including Scott and Carol in the session also."

Scott Calvin grimaced at those words but said. "Fine with me. I just want my old Bernard back."

Carol nodded. "Yes I agree with Scott. We want our calm Bernard back." Carol was about to say cheerful but stopped herself. Bernard's disposition as an elf could not really have been labeled as cheerful.

"I don't really have a choice in this matter. Okay when do we start." said the elf.

"The session is at 10:00 o'clock tomorrow morning in my den. Scott and Carol you will be staying in the guest room tonight. Don't worry Scott I put in a larger bed for you and Carol." Neil rambled on.

Scott blushed. "Thanks Neil. Doesn't if feel weird for the ex and the new wife staying with you."

Neil shook his head and smiled. "It was weird when the ex thats is Santa. I sometimes have a hard time getting past that issue. But I'm getting there."

At the mention at the name of Santa, Bernard became alert. "Sir you can't possible stay the night. There are still toys to make."

"You know that we are on schedule this year. We've been caught up before the clause ever hit. Curtis will get me if there is any problems at the factory."

Bernard shot his boss a sour look at that.

"Bernard. You have to let go of the ToySanta business. Curtis learned his lesson. Actually I think having you gone for awhile will help Curtis mature."

"I doubt it." Scoffed the elf.

"Just today he was saying he wished that you hadn't been hit with the clause. He said he didn't know how you handled all the pressure."

"Come on he didn't really say that."

"He was talking to himself and didn't know I was in the room." Scott admitted.

"Figures." said Bernard.

Scene 3:

The session began with Neil asking Scott and Carol questions first.

"So how is the new Bernard different from the old Bernard?"

Carol took the question. "The new Bernard is too emotional. Too excitable. He is also having these panic attacks. The old Bernard is a lot calmer. " She turned to her husband. "Would you agree dear."

Scott looked over at Bernard. "I agree to a certain extent. I've seen the old Bernard become excitable during every Christmas Rush. I would say that the new Bernard is just a more intense version of the old Bernard. The new human emotions coursing through his body adding to that problem. Also as Carol said there is also the panic attacks he is now getting."

"I see. Bernard is there anything you would like to add." the Neil asked.

"What they said pretty much covered it. " replied Bernard.

The session continued with Neil, Scott, and Carol doing most of the talking with Bernard occasional agreeing.

Neil whispered to Scott.

"He is not really participating. I feel he is hiding something. Let me try something."

" Bernard. Last night you said something that puzzled me. You said that you are more at ease with going out in the mortal world knowing that you won't be going out alone. Were you ever alone before."

The boy gasped. "I really don't want to talk it. Thank you very much."

"What happened? You can tell us. " Neil indicated Scott and Carol. They leaned forward and looked at Bernard.

" We're you friends here."Neil persisted. Scott and Carol both agreed.

"It happened a long, long time ago. At a time when many types of elves lived on the earth."

"What happened?"

"Jack Frost happened. He froze the earth. You call it the Ice Age. Only the Christmas elves had survived."

Scott studied his elf.

"Bernard, I know the legend that is handed down about Jack Frost. Jack Frost was suspended from the council for a period of time for freezing the earth. Mother Nature has been doing his duties while he is on suspension. Actually, his suspension should have been up by now." He paused. "I need to get back on track. According to the legend they say that a member of the Trivoly Elf tribe did in fact survive."

Neil interrupted. "What's a Trivoly elf."

"Neil, Trivoly Elves were known for their somewhat larger size. They were also the most powerful elves. They have even longer lives than the Christmas elves. Jack Frost tried to take over their community. They revolted. Jack sent the ice age. According to the legend , One Trivoly Elf princess brought her elf son to a ice cave in Alaska. She cast a 5000 year sleep upon him. She sealed him there so that Frost couldn't find him."

Neil whispered back. "It is just a legend right."

Scott ignored him and turned back to his elf. "I never believed in legends as I do now. Since becoming Santa I know that is foolish to dismiss them. Bernard I always suspected that you are related to the boy in the cave. Your Father perhaps."

"Santa, He wasn't my Father. I was. I mean I am that elf in the cave. Fathertime found me after my little nap. He took me to north pole and the Christmas elves. I've been there ever since."

Neil nodded after Bernard's finished talking. "Bernard, You have clear signs of abandonment issues."

"Neil, even I can see that after Bernard's revelations." Scott said shaking his head.

" Well, I will continue to l work with him on these issues Scott. Rest assured. When you see him in a few weeks you will see a great change."

"Thanks Neil. I am counting on you to do just that."

Scene 4: Departure

Bernard was helping Scott and Carol load up the sleigh for their return trip home when they suddenly heard a noise. Carol all looked up and saw a falling star.

"Oh Scott look a shooting star. It looked like it fell among those bushes in the back yard." exclaimed Carol.

Bernard just shook his head. "That's not a falling star, Mrs. C. Its Curtis. He knows hes not been qualified to fly the elfjetpacks yet. I go see if the little guy is hurt."

He paused at the bush and called out. "Hey Curtis. You okay in there?"

Curtis jumped up. "I meant to do that. Just a few scratches. I'm fine."

"Why would you be worried about me anyway?" Curtis asked.

"Curtis. I used to be arch elf. Its the arch elf's job to be worried about the elves under his command." He told the little elf.

Curtis smiled. "Thanks Bernard." He suddenly hugged the larger elf. "Your not going to believe this but I miss you nagging me all the time."

Bernard smiled back. "Thanks Curtis. That makes me feel better. "

He shook his finger. "I don't nag."

Curtis smiled. "Yes you do."

"No I don't" Bernard complained.

Scott walked up to Curtis. "Curtis, what are you doing here? I was getting ready to go back to the pole. What's so important that you had to rush here."

"Oh sorry sir. There is an emergency session in the council. You are needed back at the pole in 15 minutes. Jack Frost is demanding that he be allowed back on as his suspension was over eighteen years ago."

"Okay Curtis get aboard the sleigh." Scott said in his Santa voice.

"But sir I have my rocket pack." He smiled.

"Curtis, I've seen the way you fly that thing. Get in the sleigh."

"Yes sir."

"Santa, I need a few words with Curtis. It will only take a minute." Bernard informed his boss.

"Okay but only a minute."

He pulled Curtis aside.

Curtis smiled at him. "You want to nag me some more."

"No. Now stop that. I want you to watch Jack Frost carefully. If he gets back on the council, he'll try anything to ruin this world. Mark my words. You do know why he was suspended in the first place."

"That was years ago. Besides it was only a legend wasn't it." Curtis asked fearfully.

"No it wasn't a just a legend. It really happened. Don't let your guard down around Jack. My mother told me that it wasn't that Jack didn't have a heart. He does have a heart but its frozen solid like him. He can't feel any of the warmth that a snowfall. Tell Santa. What I told just told you. "

"Okay Bernard. I tell him. I just hope your wrong about Jack"

"Oh Curtis. I wish I were. I wish I were."


	10. Chapter 10

Santa Clause, Human Clause Chapter 10

Author's note. From here on there will be brief looks at Bernard during his years in the mortal world.

Scene 1: January 2004th.

Bernard was back at the pole after his brief stay with the Millers. Doctor Edward re-evaluated Bernard and found him much calmer than previously.

He and the other affected left on the January 14th trip out into the mortal world. Santa and Mrs. Claus was pleased with the Bernard's progress and decided to send him out with the two youngest elves in the group. Nine year old Mason and eight hundred year old Beth.

"Okay Bernard. This is the cover story. All of your elf cards should have the name Calvin added to your names. You are Bernard, Mason, and Beth Calvin who have been adopted by Scott Calvin, a toy maker out of Canada. You have been sent out into the world by Mr. Calvin to expand your horizons. Mrs. Davis, a nanny has been hired for Beth and Mason. Her husband, Mr. Davis has been hired to be you guys teacher." The three elves groaned.

"Sorry can't be helped. There are school laws that even Santa has to follow." Mrs. Claus said.

"We will check in with you on March 15, and June 15th, and September 15, this year."

Scene 2: June 2004

The year 2004 was passing quickly for the elves at the North Pole. June 1st came which meant the Christmas Rush was on its way.

Abby appeared with cocoa.

"Santa. I have some more of that rich cocoa that you like." She smiled.

"The last time you pulled that. Charlie was on the list. He on the list again isn't he."

Abby saw Curtis entering the room. She whispered to Santa. "It is not Charlie. Its Bernard."

"Bernard!" He exclaimed shocked.

"Curtis go find Mrs. Claus. Tell her our June 15th meeting with Bernard, Mason, and Beth have been moved up. We are leaving right now."

Bernard laid under the covers in his bedroom. His whole body ached.

He had made several friends on the block during the last six months. Joe and Leroy Nixon, eighteen and nineteen year old brothers where two such friends. They had invited him to a party on the beach. Of course he said yes. It seemed like a good idea at the time. He held his aching head in his arms and was beginning to have second doubts. A knock on his bedroom door caused him to pull his pillow over his head.

He heard the knocking again. "Bernard, Its Beth. Dad and Mom are here for the three month checkup. They are down in the den. They want to speak to you."

Bernard recognized the code word Mom and Dad for Santa and Mrs. Claus. _' They're early for the checkup. That means one thing. I'm in trouble.' _

"Beth, Tell them I will be down in a few minutes."

Bernard walked to his bathroom and splashed water in his face. He changed his shirt and pants then went down to the den.

He entered the room and placed a smile on his face. "Hey guys. How's it going?" he asked.

Scott just stared at him. "You tell us. You tell us how your name ended up on the Naughty list."

"It did. My name. Oh Well. You see. A couple of my new friends, Joe and Leroy, invited me to a party on the beach. It seemed harmless. Something called a kegger. I had a few drinks of what is known as beer. I felt good last night but I don't feel so good right now. Must have been something I ate there." Replied the elf putting his head into his hands.

Carol shook her head. "I believe it was something more on what you had to drink. O Bernard. You got drunk, last night."

"You can get drunk from beer. I didn't realize. I guess I'm in really in trouble."

Scott nodded. "Yes you are. I am going to tell the Davis's that you are grounded until our next checkup on September 15th. By the way, scratch the Nixon boys from your list of friends. They been on the Naughty list for the past eight years."

"I'm sorry boss. I won't do it again."

"I know you are. But your still grounded. Which means that you can't leave the house unless its for a good reason."

Scene 3: March 15th, 2005th.

Scott, Carol, Bernard, Mason, and Beth were having dinner on the backyard patio after their most recent checkup. The Davis's had been allowed a two day vacation. Mason turned out to be an excellent chef and learned to love watching the food network on cable. _'I guess when we get back to the pole, he'll want to transfer to_ _chef's department._' mused Scott.

"Scott do you see that big bird in the backyard. Its keeps walking out there. It has something on caught on one of its legs."

Bernard stared at the bird. "That's a stork. It's a note that tied to its leg. It has a message for one of us."

Bernard moved over to the stork and tossed it a piece of his tuna filet. The stork accepted it then held up his leg. He untied the note from the stork and thanked it. He read the name on the note and smiled.

"Hey big guy. This note is for you and the misses." he exclaimed.

Scott took the note that Bernard handed him. "Bernard, why would a stork be sending us a note. It doesn't make sense."

"Storks have send notes to married elves all the time Santa. Makes perfect sense to me." He grinned back at his boss.

Scott and Carol opened the envelope that was addressed to Santa and Mrs. Claus. They gasped. The note read as follows.

"This is to inform you that you are to expecting a baby. Expect the said baby between December 15th and December 31'st."

"We're going to have a baby. Bernard is the stork going to leave in under a cabbage leave. Or what."

Bernard laughed. "No sir. It will happen the normal way. The storks are just the ones who informs the elf parents that they are expecting. They also send the notes to the legendary figures. I believe this is the first time I've seen Santa and Mrs. Claus get one of the announcements. Congratulations. You are going to be parents."

Scene 4: December 24th 2006.

Bernard tossed and turned all night with nightmare visions of Jack Frost ruining Christmas. He jumped out of bed and stared at the clock on the wall. Still a few minutes to midnight. His breathing became erratic. This is not right. It was only a nightmare. He tried to shake it off and go to bed but was interruptedby a knock on the door. Beth and Mason both came in trembling.

"We've had nightmares Bernard. There was a different Santa. It was awful."

Bernard frowned as he heard the news. "You two go onto sleep. I'll wait for Santa."

Bernard found himself dozing on the living room couch. He felt a small hand shaking him.

"Beth I told you to go to bed."

"I'm not Beth. I'm Lucy Miller. Uncle Scott is putting Beth and Mason's presents under the tree. He can't put yours under there because you are not in your bed."

Santa came over. "Something wrong with your bed, Bernard. "

"I had a bad dream about Jack Frost. He was trying to take over Christmas. Beth and Mason had similar dreams as mine. I decided to wait up for you."

"Jack did try to take over Christmas but he was stopped by a young girl's hug. Frost has been defrosted. Now go to bed."

"Yes Boss." said the elf as he headed back upstairs.

Scott bent down and chuckled as he placed Bernard's present under the tree.

Scene 5: February 29th 2008th.

Bernard was busy working at his part time job at the local hospital. He enjoyed entertaining the sick kids with coin tricks and magic tricks. The kids loved him for they knew that he was in fact one of Santa's elf even though the nurses on the floor didn't.

"Hey Bernard. Mrs. Davis is on the line for you. Its something about Mason's ears. She quite hysterical." said Nurse Rivers.

Bernard smiled as he took the phone. "I'll be home in a few minutes. Its all right Mrs. Davis." Bernard reached up to his one of his own ears and felt the points on his ears too.

Bernard arrived and went upstairs to Mason's bedroom. The boy smiled at up from under several blankets. "Look at his ears. They're pointed. I need to get in contact with Mr. Calvin right away!" Exclaimed an excitable Mrs. Davis.

"Don't worry. I've written Dad a letter informing him of the problem. He should be on his way right now. He'll explain everything once he gets here." smiled Bernard.

The doorbell rang twenty minutes later. Mr. Davis & Mrs. Davis opened the door and was shocked to see Scott Calvin standing there in a Santa Claus outfit.

"Mr. Calvin & Mrs. Calvin. How did you get here so fast. That Boy, Bernard, just wrote you."

"Um I flew. Guys. You have done an excellent job taking care of the kids. I've decided to take them back with me to the toy factory. Here's your check for payment for you and the Mrs. Davis for all services rendered. I've even included a nice bonus that you should find also satisfactory. It is a Christmas present Leo. I'm just late in delivering it. "

Leo Davis & Doris Davis looked down at the check and deed to the house in his hands. "You're giving us this house. I don't even know you."

"You know me Leo. I'm Santa. Bernard, Mason, and Beth, are some of my elves. I know that its has been a wish for you every Christmas to have a house large enough for your daughter and granddaughter, Jennifer to visit. It has also been Jennifer's Christmas wish too. "

Leo opened the door. He stared at the sleigh and eight reindeer standing in the yard. There was also a group of other boys and girls with pointed ears seated in the back. "You're really Santa aren't you."

"Yes I am."

Bernard came running down with several pieces of luggage. Beth and Mason were right behind him. "Santa. I've packed all of our bags. Do you want me to put them on the sleigh."

"Yes. Get yourselves out into the sleigh. Judy and the rest of the gang are waiting. You're vacation time here has come to an end, My Arch Elf." Scott said. He placed an old black beret on Bernard's head. He gave him the arch elf watch back.

"Yes sir." grinned Bernard as he put the watch back on his wrist.

The end


End file.
